Still a taboo: Interview with a young woman suffering from depression

After the editor-in-chief and publisher of thebrokernews “came out” and told us that she had also been in a clinic for five months due to depression, she received a friendly message on LinkedIn from a woman who felt encouraged to share her experiences with the taboo illness.

In an interview with Binci Heeb, Susanna (a name chosen by the interviewee herself) talks about her experiences with mental illness.

Susanna has decided to conduct this interview anonymously. Not out of cowardice, but out of realism. She believes that our professional world is not yet ready to deal with mental illness in a completely non-judgmental way.

Diagnoses in particular offer many people a seemingly easy way to pigeonhole others – out of ignorance, uncertainty or even fear. And to be honest, anyone who speaks openly about a mental low as a manager, mother, colleague or simply as a person quickly runs the risk of being reduced, ridiculed or even written off.

Hence this path: visible, but not recognizable. Personal, but not private. And hopefully a small contribution to destigmatization.

How did your depression begin – and when did you realize that it was more than just a temporary mood?

Susanna: Looking back, it was a gradual process, a journey that I had probably been on for some time. The tricky thing about depression is that you only ask yourself fundamental questions when you’re already in a dangerous situation.

For me, it wasn’t my job that was the problem – I enjoyed my work. Rather, it was serious private burdens that took their toll on me over a long period of time. For a long time, I thought I just had to pull myself together, that it was just a phase because life doesn’t always run in a linear fashion.

You constantly compare yourself with others and feel that you are not allowed to be sensitive. But at some point, the moment came when I realized: I can’t do this alone anymore. This isn’t a slump – it’s something else.

How long did it take you to seek help – and how did you get to the right place?

Despite my personal closeness to the topic of mental health, I found it difficult to admit to myself that I needed help. It took me several months to admit this “failure” to myself.

Finally, an old friend from my childhood – he is now a psychiatrist – encouraged me to make more concrete clarifications. This was a big step for me, but ultimately the first step in the right direction.

Was there a trigger for your illness – or was it a combination of circumstances?

I think it’s important to differentiate between three factors: your own personality, the stressful circumstances and the specific trigger.

My life situation was demanding by nature – I have a responsible job and young children. But that alone is not the reason why you end up in a clinic.

My personality is well-suited to excessive demands: high inner demands, lots of energy, but also few boundaries. The actual trigger was a series of drastic private events that came to a head over a long period of time.

Interestingly, it was work and the children that gave me stability and structure – they gave my life meaning and helped me not to disappear completely into the dark. And the children were the main reason why I finally decided to go to hospital: I wanted to be a fulfilled and joyful mother to them again.

You have developed your own hypotheses about the increase in mental illnesses in the clinic. Would you like to share some of them?

My time in the clinic was also a period of intensive reflection on the topic and I also had many conversations with other sufferers and specialists. These experiences showed me that there are many things that we as a society cannot imagine and that our judgments and ideas are based on a completely distorted picture.

Based on this, I have formed a number of hypotheses. They are based on the question of the current increase in mental illness in recent years and how this has come about. These are not scientific truths, but impulses for reflection and discussion.

It should be noted at the outset that all the statistics on absenteeism do nota bene not include the many young people and older people, and in my opinion they also play a not insignificant role among patients.

Social change & lifestyle

– The acceleration of life: the modern world is faster, more complex and more digital. Constant accessibility, sensory overload and constant communication make relaxation and genuine closeness more difficult.

– Social media & digital interactions: More communication, but less real connection. Virtual relationships are replacing real ones – emotional isolation is increasing. Is this gap now being covered by psychologists because there is no one left to talk to?

– Loss of values and structures: Have we lost the traditional values that led to security, community and reliability? Many people feel disoriented.

– Self-optimization pressure: The constant expectation to improve oneself, to function and to be happy creates psychological pressure. Has the yardstick by which we measure what we consider to be satisfied and happy increased?

– Longer life expectancy: An ageing society brings with it new mental health challenges – including with regard to loneliness, depression in old age and dementia. Could it be that longer life expectancy also leads to an increase in mental illness?

Family, relationships & role models

– Changing family models and role models: Patchwork, single parents, multiple burdens – modern families are often more unstable and emotionally challenging. Is the new family construct partly responsible for more unclear role allocations and challenges?

– Increase in break-ups: Longer lifespans, a more “open world”, more complicated relationships, emancipated women – this leads to new relationship dynamics.

– Less closeness and emotional attachment: Children sometimes experience less love and closeness – this can have a long-term effect on their mental stability.

Working environment & performance culture

– More agile forms of work: More responsibility and scope for decision-making – not everyone can or wants to take this on.

– Increased pressure to perform: The world of work is faster, more insecure and more global. Many feel overwhelmed or replaceable. And yet: the world of work has never been so “cottoned on” – how can it be that we still have the highest absence rates due to mental illness?

– Lack of rest & clear boundaries: Work-life balance often remains lip service. Rest is rarely systematically planned.

– Changing leadership culture: Narcissistic or toxic leadership meets employees who demand more co-determination and humanity – this leads to tensions.

– Part-time work and yet high levels of stress: despite the high part-time rate – for example in Switzerland – mental stress is increasing. A contradiction?

– More women in the labor market: The fact that there are more women in the labor market today than in the past, especially mothers, leads to additional burdens – such as balancing private and professional life.

• New dynamic: In the past, people resigned when they no longer “liked” their job. Today, it feels like everyone just stays in their job and then falls ill. How does that happen?
• More tolerance: Did we simply not have the opportunity in the past to be absent from work due to mental health problems because of a lack of tolerance and fear for our jobs?

Healthcare system, diagnostics & therapy

– Diagnosis through better recognition: Scientific knowledge is much better today than it used to be and mental illnesses are therefore recognized and named more frequently today – especially in women and children.

– Early detection & awareness-raising: There is more awareness of early signs, more screening – this increases the number of cases, but also the chance of timely help.

– Increase in long-term medication: Medications are prescribed more frequently today. Have the side effects decreased? Or are we more dependent on medication today?

– More therapy services, but also higher demand: the need is increasing, and in some cases therapists are replacing the lack of human relationships in everyday life.

– Trend or genuine need? Is the desire for mental health help an expression of genuine need – or a phenomenon of affluence? It is also a trend in affluent societies to take care of one’s mental health.

Social development & breaking taboos

– Less stigmatization: people are more confident to talk about their mental health problems – a positive step, but one that can also reinforce the impression that there are “more” sufferers.

– Generations in transition: young people are more emotionally reflective, more open, but also more vulnerable and place more value on mental health. Older generations carry unresolved legacy issues with them. Are we just catching up on what we missed out on as children?

– More visibility for issues such as ADHD, depression, burnout: media, influencers, celebrities – mental health is more visible than ever. Did addictions compensate more in the past?

– Diversity & identity: Topics such as gender identity, sexual orientation or social affiliation are more present – and bring with them new social and psychological challenges.

Education & upbringing

– Role of schools: Early childhood development, emotional education and psychological resilience are not always sufficiently anchored. What is the role of schools today?

– Change in parenting: The focus on “child-friendly” can have both positive and unexpected negative effects – for example, overprotection or a lack of frustration tolerance.

– Early childhood trauma & unresolved stress: Many mental health problems in adulthood originate in childhood – highlighting the importance of prevention. Will early detection in childhood have positive effects in the future? Has child psychology increased?

You have also been diagnosed with AD(H)S – how does this manifest itself and how do you deal with it?

I was diagnosed with ADHD late in life – and at first I could hardly accept it. For me, it felt like a personal failure. I thought: Now this too? I was ashamed and ignored it at first.

However, ADHD – when viewed correctly – is not a disease in the classic sense, but a so-called norm variant. It means that the brain functions differently, not worse. There is not just “the fidget spinner” – ADHD remains undetected for a long time, especially in women, because they often adapt perfectly, hide their symptoms and compensate – especially if they are highly intelligent. ADHD covers a very broad spectrum.

A conversation with my doctor was the turning point. He told me about the many facets of this diagnosis, but also about the strengths – the creativity, the energy, the intuition. I felt understood for the first time. It was a liberating blow. Suddenly, everything in my life made sense – I wasn’t wrong, I was simply wired differently.

At the clinic, I no longer felt like an alien for the first time. I was in good company. This feeling of belonging – it was incredibly healing.

And yes, I am convinced that I owe my energy, my stamina and my success to my ADHD. I have my challenges, but I have also realized that my ADHD gives me the much-cited “superpower” in many areas. But it also has its dangers: ADHD is also one of the reasons for my depression. You are simply more at risk because you function in an adapted way for a very long time until you really can’t do it anymore.

Have you spoken openly to your employer about your illness?

Not at first. I was ashamed – both in my professional and private life. Even with my friends, I only told them in very small doses.

I didn’t want to explain myself at work. On the one hand, because my problems had nothing to do with my job. Secondly, because I wanted to avoid being pigeonholed as “burnout” at all costs.

Especially as a woman, mother of small children, in a leadership role – the judgment is quickly made: Sure, overwhelmed. That was to be expected.

That bothers me – and it shows how much we still think in stereotypes.

How did your employer react?

My line manager reacted extremely professionally, empathetically and calmly. I am very grateful for that.

The last thing I would have needed in this situation was additional pressure or mistrust. Instead, I was met with trust. That was an important building block on my way back.

And the employees – did they know about it? How do you deal with it?

No, my team didn’t know anything specific. I made a conscious decision not to talk about it openly.

Looking back, that was mainly a protective reaction. I didn’t want to be vulnerable – and I didn’t want to lose my authority as a manager.

It’s a fine line: openness can connect, but it can also make you vulnerable. This is a particularly sensitive issue in hierarchical structures. I hope that one day we will reach a point where openness is no longer a risk – but a strength.

How did your private environment – family, friends – react?

Here, too, only the innermost circle knew at first. The first reaction was often: What, a clinic? You don’t need that! But I have to admit that no one noticed my bad mental state either. I’m a master at keeping up a perfect façade on the outside.

But afterwards there was almost always a second sentence: How good that you did that. This mixture of surprise and recognition shows how inconsistently we as a society deal with mental illness.

You want to help destigmatize depression and other mental illnesses. How do you go about this?

I try to address the topic in a targeted and considered way – not in a bold way, but in situations where it is appropriate and resonates. In conversations with colleagues, in discussions, in small impulses in everyday life. I believe that you don’t always need the big stage, but honest words at the right time. I share my experience, which many others also have – and which often remains hidden.

My aim is to raise awareness: that mental health should be taken just as seriously as physical health. That getting help is a sign of strength. And that no one should be afraid of losing their professional or social recognition as a result. And that a suitable clinic is the right place to heal.

What was your experience at the clinic?

The clinic was a decisive turning point in my life. There I was able to pause, reflect and finally breathe – after months of inner survival and fear.

What surprised me the most: I wasn’t alone there. Many people, many stories – and often similar patterns. I realized how little you can see from the outside and how much suffering happens in secret.

The experience there didn’t just help me – it changed me. I have never experienced so much humanity and genuine understanding anywhere else. You feel safe and secure and there is a real sense of belonging. No more hiding, no more functioning. You can finally be who you are, with everything that goes with it.

Looking back, this stay was the best thing that could have happened to me and I am grateful to have had this human experience on a different level. As esoteric as it all sounds – it was a journey to myself.

What consequences did the hospital stay have for you? Do you need to change anything in the future?

Yes, definitely. “You but new”. It was the starting signal for a new chapter. I started to fundamentally rethink my life – and actively change a lot of it.

I no longer want to “just” function. I no longer want to have to do everything. I want to live consciously, not driven.

This includes setting boundaries, saying no, sorting things out – both professionally and privately. I’m trying to manage my energy better, overcome my fears and stop ignoring my needs.

It’s a process, not a state. But I’m on my way – and that feels right for the first time.

As a manager at an insurer: What role does insurance play – and what should it do?

Insurance plays a central role – both in terms of cover and in prevention and aftercare. If you have paid premiums for years, you expect simple, reliable processing in the event of an emergency – and not an additional burden.

At the same time, insurers can do more than just pay out money: They can create offerings that provide real support – not just “wellness apps” but programs that are tailored to difficult life situations. For example, it wouldn’t do anyone any harm if people regularly took advantage of talk therapy for self-reflection and personal development even before a life crisis. Just like a massage for the body, the right talk therapy is also good for the mind.

Insurance companies also have a responsibility as employers. It would be contradictory to advise customers on mental health to the outside world, but to confront your own employees with stigma or mistrust.

Personally, I found that my employer was very supportive – unfortunately, that’s not a given. This is precisely why the role model effect of companies in this area is so crucial.

Closing words from Susanna

Doing this interview was not an easy step for me. It means showing myself to be vulnerable – even if my name isn’t on here.

But perhaps it will help someone to feel less alone. Maybe it will encourage them to look. Maybe it opens up a space.

If it succeeds, then it was worth it.

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